lixxle

Four of my friends recently announced that they are spawning and I, foolishly, promised to crochet a baby blanket for each of their new arrivals. Clearly I was high on whiteboard marker fumes when I made that promise (given how many classes I've been teaching lately, that's probably not that far from the truth).

The project started promisingly when I almost bitch-slapped an old woman at a yarn sale; the brazen wench took a ball of four ply "Clotted Cream" merino wool from my basket while I was examining the half-priced bin. When confronted, she claimed that it "must have fallen" into her basket. She grew disgruntled when I pointed out that, given my basket was on the floor at the time, the ball would have had to have fallen upward. Apparently balls of merino wool can subvert the laws of gravity. Just imagine what a blanket made of that stuff could do. Teleport, perhaps... 

Just when I thought we'd have to settle this with knitting needles drawn at one hundred paces, she ungraciously threw the ball into my basket and went off muttering about "young people today, no manners etc etc".

Yeah, you just keep walking, klepto granny...

Anyway, I'm half way through the first blanket and you can tell I'm out of practice because the damn thing doesn't look anything like the pattern. It should be a square but right now, it's more of a dodecahedron. Those poor babies are going to have ugly, ugly blankets. I'll make it up to them when they are teenagers by buying them liquor and porn, or getting them fake IDs so they can get it themselves.

In between blankets, I'm trying to finish up my subversive cross-stitch projects. I made

phurie_dae  and mercurialmind  Labyrinth-themed cross-stitch patterns (or "crotch stitch", if you will; see below) for Christmas and I'm mid-way through another ("All kneel before the Area"). I bet klepto granny would not be amused ("young people today, with their dirty crotch-stitch and their ugly, dodecahedron-shaped baby blankets...").


 

 

 

In my time as a fanfic author, I have unleashed a lot of chaos onto the Goblin Kingdom--chicken tossing, transvestite goblins, pro-wrestlers, bordello jumpsuits, floral "sling-shots", Rosalinda, Chicken of Destiny etc etc etc--and yet, I've always hoped that the romance, and the adult-type touching, balanced out most of the crack-esque elements in my stories. 

However, I spent tonight writing a drunken munchkin wrestling scene for "Something Glittered This Way Comes" (the Labyrinth/Wizard of Oz crossover sequel to "My Fine Feathered Friend") and I think it is too crackfic even for me. Don't get me wrong--I loved writing it, but man, is it wacky. 

Maybe a little too wacky. 

I'll have to see what my betas think because right now, I'm a little reluctant to post it.  One of my reviewers said that they thought my writing had matured in Of Pineapples and Kings, so I guess SGTWC will just prove them wrong; I am still the immature, crackfic-writing, crotch-lovin' deviant I've always been.

Amen to that.

In honour of the new book Mr. Darcy, Vampyre (which, unfortunately, looks as though it is going to take itself way too seriously),  dmacabre, phurie_dae , and I have been playing our own version of Pride and Prejudice and Vampyres. Join the fun!

Read excerpts from Mr Darcy's 'Diary of the Damned' where he agonises about his dark urges, and the temptations of Mr. Bingley's overall succulence; be tantalised by Georgiana's odd cure for a broken heart; be thrilled by Lady Catherine's blood-lust and leg fetish; and be somewhat repelled by Mr Collins and his cockroach diet. 

But really, these entries are merely the appetiser for the sheer bloody brilliance of dmacabre 's meaty Twilight/P&P crossover: Mr. Wickham, Vampyre

Read it and weep, Stephenie Meyer! It even contains crotch...undead crotch, but still...


(image from here)

Writing Laby drabbles has become deliciously addictive. The word this week was "Spoiled" and I gave it two shots; one devoted to killing off Labyrinth-dwelling Mary-Sues (Mary Sue, Death Becomes You), and the other to desecrating the King's statue. The other entries were brilliant, with copious amounts of Vasoline, rancid milk and glitter, and even the odd chicken serenade...

Though, writing drabbles has reminded me that I have several half-finished fics waiting on my computer (yes, I see you glaring at me, "Something Glittered"! You'll be posted when I am damn well ready!).

The oh-so talented Pika-la-Cinique has drawn probably the most crotch-a-liffic piece of Laby fanart in the history of the fandom (which is saying something) and it's all for me! MEEE! (insert eardrum-rupturing squee of joy).



Ain't she brilliant? It is inspired by the karaoke-infested Epilogue of my fic "The Gift That Keep Giving", specifically....

"The King had performed a blistering, swaggering, pelvically-fueled set of the most testosterone-laden songs on the karaoke machine. He had strutted and preened his way around the throne room, levitating goblins, and performing a flashy little pyrotechnics display with the aid of a couple of crystals and a flashlight. Moreover, he had donned a new outfit for every number, including a rather dazzling pair of silver sequins breeches that had literally blinded four pixies, a goblin, and a woodland sprite who had been sitting too close to the King when his pants caught the light." 

Gotta love a gal who can draw glitter crotch!

I'm a huge fan of drabbles--bite-size chunks of fandom goodness--but never really thought to write my own.

It wasn't till labyfic  posted its first-ever One Word Drabble Challenge that I even considered having a shot at it (even though the responses were all rather awe-inspiring and faintly intimidating).

The word of the day was "Danger". There is something uniquely painful about trying to write only 100 words of danger-related Labyrinth-y goodness. So many pretty words were disgarded! *sob*

And what do I believe was the most dangerous thing in the Labyrinth? Why, the Area, of course...

Check it out: here